Episode I: Shark Cat Must Die

Ok, this is way off base. This site is about Space. Sharks. Helicopters and combinations thereof. But having said that, I can't help but share this weird Photoshop art. I think it's Photoshop art, anyway. If it's not, I need to start a new blog. Please promise me you won't let this get in the way of our focus. But what if this was an enemy of the SSH25?

What if the discovery of a Shark Cat actually threatened to turn the pubic against all things shark-related? What if, by the year 2025, the public--having grown weary of always turning to terrorism and terrorists for their fear needs--changed the focus to Shark Cats? And then subsequently decided that anything shark-related, by association, was the New Fear?

Sharks would be hunted en masse. Sharkskin jackets would come back (and not just with Billy Joel this time). The Spacesharkhelicopter would be assumed to be part of an axis of evil, no matter how many do-gooder missions it flew--doomed, essentially, in this sort of world scenario. The only answer would be for the pilot of the SSH25, Sharky, to travel back in time to kill this mutant Shark Cat and prevent it from inspiring the New Fear.

If only there were a person ... or creature out there who was working on a time-travel device....

Soft Spot, my co-pilot, any ideas?

Staffing the SSH25 And Its Hangar

Soft Spot here. I was thinking, the Spacesharkhelicopter will probably become possible in 2027.] [Ed note: Likely sooner, but whatever]. His partner could be Soft Spot, a good name, but I can't remember where I came up with that. Was it a baby's head? Some of the other ideas I came up with were Armagator (Armageddon + gator), the champion feared by sea lions everywhere (he'd say this upon entering any room)--with his sidekick Sidegar [Ed. note: this is a reference to the alligator garfish, a Florida thing]. Another person on the SSH25 would be Sgt. Scampy, a shrimp with an additude as big as his 'stach. Wait, I should back up. I'm thinking the Spacesharkhellicopther will need a crew, right? And a hanger (or at least hangout, right?) How about the hangout superintendent be Manfred Clain Hammerhead, a hammerhead shark, "But me friends, they call me MC Hammerhead, man," he'd say. And Major Amora, in charge of maintainence. I would type more, but I got homework. Comin' at ya!

--Soft Spot

[Ed. note: Soft Spot seems to want to develop the Spacesharkhelicopter mythology well before the dream is actualized. That wasn't the original intention of SSH25, but what the heck, let's humor the kid--and "homework," he does seem to be a kid, doesn't he? Alright, Soft Spot, yes. The SSH25 will need a crew ... and a hangar ... or hangout ... and a maintenance man.]

Playing With Sharks ... Not Always Model Behavior

Holy. Crap. This is almost my thesis, sent in by "Soft Spot," whom I think you'll be hearing more from--this reader seems as keen on the SSH25 as I am. As I scour the news for space, sharks, helicopters, and most importantly Spacesharkhelicopter news, I think he'll be an ally. In fact, I think I'm going to invite him to post some here. SSH25 readers: Welcome Soft Spot. Look for his byline from now on.

Soft Spot says he's from Florida originally, but he lives in Budapest now. A likely story. I'll go with it, though. Gives SSH25 a kind fo cosmopolitan feel. Anyway, his Florida connection got me thinking (I'm from Florida, and I've had my own shark close encounters there--and I don't mean at Sea World, but more on that later). In Florida, rednecks have a bad habit of feeding alligators. This is horrible for several reasons, mostly because it erases the gators' fear of humans. This sounds like a sweet thing if you don't know any better, but they have that fear for a reason--so they don't mess with humans, so they instinctively keep to themselves and don't eat any cheeeldren. It's bad when they eat cheeeldren. So, some doofus or Kletus feeds them thinking he'll one-up his trailer trash buddy with the face-eating pitbull by taming a pet gator, then one day, he lets the reptile get too close and WHAM! His arm's lost. Sure, he gets to tell his story to the paper--if he lives. Sure he gets to go on disability and never work again. Sure he gets sweet prescription Vicodin. Actually, for the guy in this particular example it's a good thing. But, as is so often the case, the thing that is good for redneck heroes in Florida stories is not a thing that is good for humanity as a whole, for if local trappers fail to catch the arm-eating gator, he'll move on to something more ... whole. That's when the family pet or family member gets in trouble.

Anyway, all of that got me thinking about this story out of Hawaii, where they're considering banning shark tours where tourists can watch Hawaii's version of rednecks feed sharks. It can't be good. Especially for surfers.

Walking Shark, Come on Down!

Time was, you could take a leisurely seaside stroll, and even if you felt terrified by the sea and the all of the sharky creatures within, you'd know that, as long as your toes were in the dry sand, there was practically no threat of shark attack.

That just changed.

Scientist in Indonesia's Papua province have discovered the "walking shark."

So, it's, like, you're enjoying a pina colada. Maybe it starts to rain. You don't mind, 'cause you kind of like getting caught in it. (Beats health food and yoga--for anyone who has half a brain, that is). You're eyeing the dunes of the cape and considering making love there at midnight with this girl you met in the classifieds when, CHOMP! CHEW! CRUNCH! WHAM! You're some walking sharks dudewich ... to go.

The idea behind this site and its advocacy is not to encourage the genetic engineering of a shark that can propel itself into space. The goal is to build a helicopter that's reminiscent of a shark ... that can also go into space ... by the year 2025.

Walking shark, we've got our eye on you.

Remember to Tip Your Bartender!

Readers frequently write to ask: Sharky, why is it you write so much more about sharks than space or helicopters? To this, I typically reply: If you think you can run a space shark helicopters 2025 blog better than I can, be my guest!

My friend answered the challenge with a link to the following video, and he adds this commentary:

"America may suck at every international sport at the moment, but we can
still kick the ass of any country when it comes to opening beer bottles with
bottle openers attached to helicopters."

Thanks, Lance. That's true. But it took the Asians to turn it into a television show.

Knucklehead Species Discovered

Damien Hirst is kind of a douche. He dunks a 15-foot shark into a tank of fomaldehyde, dubs it art, then dumps it off on some unsuspecting hedge fund corruptard for $8 million. Okay, maybe he's more a brilliant swindler than a douche. Here comes the douchey part, though. As the New York Times reports today, he's enlisted the help of another artstarfucking benefactor to pay him to finish the job preserving his artshark ... the proper way, as in injecting it with fomaldehyde so it doesn't rot from the inside out. Anyone who's seen at least a season of Six Feet Under could have told him he'd have to do that if he wanted to truly create something timeless and not just ... bait.

Cleopatra vs. Jaws

Liz Taylor fed to sharks. Sharks totally starting to feel a Paxil-Wellbutrin-Zoloft-Nicotene-TrimSpa buzz kicking in.

SWEET AND SALTY JUSTICE!

New Bill Would Defend Marriage Against Sharks—Onion
Finally! This is long overdue. Maybe one day, Republicans will pass a law defending sharks against gays.

"For too long, we've stood by as our most sacred institution has been thrashed, bit by bit, by these amoral predators," Sen. Dr. Bill Frist is quoted as saying.

Here, here.

COMIN' ATCHA!

Welcome to Space Shark Helicopter 2025, the place for news and commentary about space, sharks, helicopters, and of course, Space Shark Helicopters. What is a Space Shark Helicopter? It has yet to be invented. But it will be. It's a helicopter, essentially, that looks like a shark (think: Airwolf), but it can fly into space. I predict this vehicle will be feasible by the year 2025.

In truth, this is not solely my idea. It's the product of a brainstorming session with my friend Thom Freeman's then-10-year-old son, Fletcher, and his sister Dagny. Fletcher and I had an idea for a cartoon based on the SSH, called, well, SpaceSharkHelicopter 2025. The tagline would be "Comin Atcha!" "Sharky" would pilot this craft and champion its mission of intergalactic truth and justice (except for seals). His archenemy would be ManaTina, pilotress of the Manatee Jet, which would also be able to go into space.

That's about as far as we got.

But the fascination from which this idea sprang continues to thrive, the fascination with Sharks, Helicopters, and their push into Space. Expect here links and commentary relating to these topics. If you share this fascination, please feel free to post a comment and a link to any stories worth linking.

Until then. Here's the latest headline, a sad, sad story from AFP. A metaphor for the human condition, really.

"Scientists seek to save baby-eating sharks from themselves" [AFP]